


Cleopatra

by arborealstops



Series: Your Name on My Lips [1]
Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/F, angst baby, but what else would i write on new years eve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-11 06:00:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28466445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arborealstops/pseuds/arborealstops
Summary: but i was sad you asked it, as i laid in a black dress
Relationships: C. J. Cregg/Kate Harper
Series: Your Name on My Lips [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2085114
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	Cleopatra

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Before You Say It](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12915045) by [subcutaneous7](https://archiveofourown.org/users/subcutaneous7/pseuds/subcutaneous7). 



> Title/lyrics from The Lumineers's _Cleopatra_. Storyline somewhat inspired by subcutaneous7's _Before You Say It_.

_but i was sad you asked it, as i laid in a black dress_

They were side by side in bed, tired and vulnerable, when Kate popped the question.

Not _the_ question, because that would have just been foolish of her. No, they both knew that that wouldn’t happen- _couldn’t_ happen, for now at least. Possibly ever, if Santos asked CJ to stay on board. Not after everything that CJ had said over the years, the number of times she had denied even the possibility of this.

No, the question Kate asked was far more simple, and as a result, even more dangerous. Because the danger in this question was hidden, was buried under so many varying emotions CJ didn’t even know how to touch. 

“Will you stay?”

It wasn’t even delivered the way CJ would have expected, had she expected it. In her mind, when she dreamt, it wasn’t so much a question, more of a demand- a “stay with me” rather than a “will you?” But then, Kate had done a lot of things that surprised her, from kissing her in a cab after work to learning CJ’s favorite type of ice cream (Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Therapy). A question was more vulnerable than Kate usually was, even around CJ. A question left too much room for rejection, something Kate had experienced more than enough of.

And it hurt CJ just a little bit to know that she would soon be added to that list of rejections. 

It wasn’t their first time doing this, after all, and CJ had always had a ready excuse, had always pushed away whatever feelings threatened to turn this into more than a simple dalliance. She had to work, she should have been working already, the president had said he might need her. But Kate knew full well that CJ had nowhere to be the next morning, and that any excuses CJ made up would be just that.

CJ had always prided herself on reading people. She knew Kate just wanted the truth, and no matter how much she didn’t want to, she owed it to her. 

She rolled on her side, looking at the blonde. Kate was still staring at the ceiling and, for once, CJ couldn’t read her expression. She sighed, still attempting to delay the inevitable, before she finally replied.

“I can’t.”

She saw the tension leave Kate’s body, the defeat taking over instead, and she knew. CJ _knew_ that Kate had known what her answer would be, and had asked anyway. She’d been hoping for a different answer, for something that CJ couldn’t give her. Or wouldn’t. 

“You know I can’t,” CJ insisted, the hurt she was feeling turning to defensiveness. “After everything I said to the press, after everything the president _hasn’t_ done to help, after going from press secretary to goddamn _chief of staff_ , you know I can’t do that.”

Kate’s eyes stayed glued to the ceiling, and CJ briefly wondered if she was trying to hold onto the mask of indifference, or if she had zoned out to avoid hearing CJ’s excuses. Either way, CJ continued with them, not sure whether she was trying harder to convince herself or Kate.

“It would ruin my career, your career, the president’s career, would make the press question everything- you know how they hounded me before, well, it would be even worse now, and we can’t afford that. And the rumors about the first lady would inevitably come up again, if only because they’re slightly related, and honestly this presidency has gone through enough, and so has this _president_ , and we both know that something like this would only make it worse.”

Kate still hadn’t moved, CJ had barely even seen her breathe, just the slow rise and fall of the blanket over her soft body. Softer than CJ had expected. 

But now Kate blinked and, without looking at CJ, quietly said, “I meant for the night.”

CJ fell back onto the bed with a heavy sigh, staring up at the ceiling as well. “I know,” she replied softly. “I know.”

They remained that way for a moment, then CJ rolled out of the bed, found her dress, and left without another word.


End file.
